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30 posts Jamiej 30 posts
Jamiej
Can anybody relate to anxiety robbing your other emotions? For example if I feel pleasure, anxiety notices I'm happy and comes racing to the scene. If I'm laughing and fully engaged anxiety storms in. It's almost a subconscious response where anxiety does not like an alternative emotion to an anxious one. I'm happy having anxiety and can allow it, but it's impossible to accept anxiety at the expense if other emotion, because it seems anxiety has decided an emotion that's not anxiety is a threat, so they are all cut short. Rather stuck now ...
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AldenW 402 posts
AldenW

Hey Jamiej,

Yeah, I can relate. When became sensitized, I used to be terrified of having ANY emotion other than anxiety. I literally was afraid to be happy, sad, angry, to cry, anything besides the feeling of anxiety. I felt like if I didn't lived in constant anxiety, something would be 'wrong' and something bad would happen. This really stemmed from the idea/belief that if you allow yourself to be happy, something bad will happen. This idea is just anxiety trying to fool you, nothing more. Whenever you feel happy, anxiety kicks in, because somewhere deep down you're still afraid of 'what might happen if you're happy.' This, I think, is why anxiety keeps on kicking in the door when you're feeling good. Because, somewhere inside you, you expect something bad to happen.

Be happy, laugh, laugh hysterically. Do it so hard while daring the anxiety to come out to play. It can't ever hurt you, besides trying to hurt you by making you think things. Thing that won't ever really hurt you at all, unless you let them. See anxiety as a person. A person who constantly tries to tell you you X or Y. It's up to you how you choose to handle those verbal words. If a person says: "Your shoes are ugly!", it really is HIS/HER problem, not yours. I know it's very difficult, but it's definitely something we can learn. Whatever someone else think of you, is not your problem, but theirs. They choose to believe a negative thing about you, so they have to sit within that self created negativity, not you. So perhaps see anxiety as this person. All it does is bla bla bla bla, looking for attention, being verbal. Besides that, it's powerless. What if a random person on the street came to you and said your jacket was ugly? You probably wouldn't care and walk on about your daily business, and wouldn't influence you're life beyond that. Anxiety is this person.


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because it seems anxiety has decided an emotion that's not anxiety is a threat, so they are all cut short.

I really 100% know what you mean. I had this for like 3 months straight after my first huge panic attack. Every emotion I felt felt like a threat. It's purely because of being afraid of the 'consequence' of being happy. You're afraid something bad will happen if you are happy. 

So, be happy, as happy as you can. Do it, and invite the anxiety to come join as much as it wants. Literally. And you'll see, time after time, nothing bad will actually happen. The more you do this;  the more you see nothing bad will happen; the more the consequence of being happy won't bother you anymore; the more anxiety will fade away.

now... BE HAPPY, go have FUN. Literally! You will 100% be totally fine. :-)

Nathan 
Nathan
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Jamiej 30 posts
Jamiej
Thanks for such an insightful post Nathan, I appreciate you taking the time to help someone else. It's strange with me, because I don't actually add second fear in these situations, am able to float through it and in all honesty the feelings are mild and have no purpose. There are very few what ifs, it's merely like being stuck in your head with just 1 emotion 24/7 that won't switch off no matter what you are doing. It's tricky because you find you are accepting the way you feel, but can't accept not having access to other emotions that make us human and ultimately make us who we are. You are then adding tension because you are fighting for say your sense of humour to appear when someone said something funny, or your excitement when you open that amazing gift. In a way I don't fear anxiety, I juat hate it and instead fear the loss pleasure and myself. Its like my brain has decided I don't deserve those emotions and shuts them off when they appear. Thanks buddy, I'm glad you were able to recover. 
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AldenW 402 posts
AldenW

I understand what you mean. Anxiety feels like it's very complex, in our heads.   

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 you find you are accepting the way you feel, but can't accept not having access to other emotions that make us human and ultimately make us who we are.

It sounds hard, but the first step is to accept this state of being, without adding any expectations. Accept for the moment that anxiety is your natural state for now, without adding expectation to what the outcome may be. Expectation is a form of not accepting how things are right now. Accept for the moment your main state has become anxiety. Beyond thoughts, nothing else can happen or harm you.

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 I don't fear anxiety, I juat hate it and instead fear the loss pleasure and myself. 

We usually hate it because we can't control it. The more we try to control it, the more it will be present. The more we allow anxiety to just be there, to be a part of us, without expectation of outcome, the more it'll settle and fade, and eventually won't bother us anymore at all. The more we hate it, the more it will be present. Like the wind for example. For years I used to hate the wind (long story), and the more I hated it, the more I'd notice it, thus it would be more present in my mind. I'd be bothered by it simply by hearing it. I'd stay home because of it. Haha. 

Anxiety tends to be present, because of unacceptance. I know it sounds simple, and I don't mean to sound like I'm making it smaller than how you feel it to be. I truly know how cloudy/full/chaotic anxiety can make one's mind, so please don't think I'm disregarding how you feel.

The more we think about how things SHOULD be, the more we enforce the idea that things aren't what they should be right now, the more things will seem terrible. I might sound a bit vague now, but I hope you get what I'm saying.

 

There's a quote I once heard from a philosopher called Alan Watts: "Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone."

hope this helps,

Nathan
Nathan
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Jamiej 30 posts
Jamiej
Thanks, that does make me feel a lot better. Sometimes anxiety tricks you into the whole foever and never way of thinking. It's almost like you can accept for weeks at a time, but then it slips back in, before you notice your acceptance has gone again because you lose patience or a new challenge presents itself which needs accepting. As soon as you accept one thing, something else comes along to challenge you. That then causes frustration and tension and pulls you back into the loop. It also frustrates you when the unreasonable beliefs/feelings you once accepted return and bother you again. They only bother you again because you are disappointed you are back to square 1 and feel defeated. It's tough because you come so far, and it's one thing after another and you look back only to see you're getting worse, but less bothered than you were at a time anxiety wasn't quite as high. The difficulty for me is, naturally I'm the most un anxious person you can meet. I'm not bothered by my health, what others think and am even happy to catch Corona or run around my street in my pants lol. Im a real peoples person and confident and full of life, love spending time with people and making others laugh, living life to the full and non stop. But slowy anxiety is taking away the real you piece by piece. People actually laugh at how care free and un anxious I am. I'm still like that now, I'm just being bullied by my mind and robbed of emotions that make us who we are. Slowly that takes away some of that confidence and desire to enjoy life. You almost feel guilty for pretending everything is fine when it isn't and the brain tricks you into thinking until what bothers you had gone, your not allowed to have pleasure or joy. The things that were fun are just things you face in reluctance to change, and that's the challenge really. It feels like it's this way for life and the person I want to be is disappearing slowly. Probably the tricks of the mind, but hard to overcome. Thank again buddy. 
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AldenW 402 posts
AldenW
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 before you notice your acceptance has gone again because you lose patience

Definitely happened to me a lot! Still does at times. Just know that's normal. Don't worry to much about losing patience as well. 

And indeed, there's always something new that pops up. I remember when I started to recover and feel good again, I felt super strange. Feeling no anxiety made me feeling super anxious! This is how the anxious mind works. It will forever try to scare you, supposedly to protect you. Only the thing is, we have to show our friend 'anxiety' that 'it' needs calibration. Also know that during recovery, it's very normal to feel like you're falling back into old patterns. Very normal to experience set-backs during recovery. These actually helps us recover, if we allow it to. If you ever feel like your anxiety is getting stronger, take advantage of it, and invite it. The more you invite it without expectation, the more see how anxiety can't touch you.

Eventually, all these new popping up anxious thoughts will mean nothing to you. You will get used to the fact that there's always new anxious stuff popping up always, and eventually become bored with that too. Know what I mean? 

Also, may I ask your background regarding anxiety? No need for personal details, but more along the lines of: Did it start with a panic attack, or is your anxiety rooted in things such as work/school/money/relationships/the world, or? You said you're quite un-anxious in person, so that made me curious.

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 It feels like it's this way for life and the person I want to be is disappearing slowly. Probably the tricks of the mind, but hard to overcome. 

These are indeed tricks of the mind, and no such thing will ever happen. I know how that feels too. I literally felt like I was dying in some way, shape or form. Just know it won't ever happen. And even IF you experience such a thing, you'll always be you, and you'll always be there afterwards. And then you'll also see it was all just your mind trying to scare you, and each time this happens, you'll grow less and less intimidated by it, to the point of boredom. 

Also know that it's ok to feel this way. Don't beat yourself up for feeling anxious again; don't feel as if you 'failed'. It's totally normal. If you ever catch yourself feeling sad/angry/in despair about new anxious periods, be kind to yourself and allow those things. It's very normal during recovery.

I hope I don't sound too confusing. My mind is often 2 steps ahead when I'm typing, haha. 
Nathan
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Jamiej 30 posts
Jamiej
Thanks Nathan I agree entirely. For me it's mostly my brain sucking me into a fear circle with no obvious trigger. Just now I was smothered with fear, feels like your head is being squashed or the feeling you get scratching a chalk board. All of a sudden that's where the what ifs creep in..."what if this happens during X" it's more uncomfortable than it is frightening if I'm honest. When feeling this uncomfortable that's where you stop enjoying yourself etc. It all started with a bit of PTSD (or so I think). I had some weed and subsequently thought I had died (and believed it) and as a result injured myself slightly desperately trying to escape my own head. A year after the event I started having panic attacks and it went from there really. When I passed through panic I realised anxiety was still with me. All along I thought it was my fear of panic keeping it all going, but even when that was resolved the fear remained. There is always one subject or worry it tag's itself too. But it's all the same thing. Irrational fear and a faulty alarm so to speak. It's so encouraging when someone like yourself is living proof this isn't forever and can be settled in time.
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